Peace and Healing

A Perspective of Traditional and Non-Traditional Methods of Healing

January 16, 2013
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

Road maps of wrinkles and the journey.

Today I examined an eighty-two year old lady with the intelligence and articulation of a philosophy professor. The elderly seem to always intrigue me when it comes to general discussions, life’s little lessons, their enjoyment of food, and their perceptions of daily happenings. I glanced down at her hands and observed the disclosure of age. Her skin was as thin as tracing paper with her underlying anatomy of extensor tendons, veins, and bones speaking to me of her years of toils. How many dishes has she washed? How many hands has she held? How many meals has she prepared? Her experience, her age, and her character spoke to me through her weathered skin. I could not help but project myself a few decades into the future as I glanced at my own hands. We can do that if we choose, and for me it helps prepare for the future. The future of aging should not be feared, as many have difficulty embracing that milestone. In many cultures the elders are embraced, and reveled. Today my elder sage caught me pondering her life as well as mine. Her passion to get better with her arthritis, as well as her stoic demeanor was a lesson of times gone by. Do not complain, push through the pain and move forward. She did not know about my ogling of her road maps on each dorsal aspect of her hands. She was unaware of the impact. Oh, we have spoken before about her life, her toils, her love of her husband and the loss of many as she begins to edge toward the finish line. She has spoken of her peers slowly leaving her and she wonders why she is left, and what is her purpose. The purpose for all of us does not have to be a profound “Aha” experience. Oh, it can be, but that is the minority. Little did she know she had purpose today. Her hands, her weathered face, and her pleasant demeanor was enough to muse my thoughts of the inevitable elder future that lies before me.

It helps me to think of this future time. If I do not and I deny, or turn my conscious mind away from this natural progression I may not be prepared. For me, I like being prepared, to try and understand the path ahead. I enjoy the spontaneity also; however, there was no possible way I could ignore my future as I looked at her road maps of age and contemplated where each road had originated from.

The next time you are with an elder family member or an elder friend look closely. Look very closely at what they share with you without them even being aware. Observe their gait, their weathered aging skin and understand their path has been filled with most likely more experience and more happenings then you may ever know. Respect should swell up into your throat. You should feel compassion for their tenacity, and their path of life led them to you for a reason. Ask them to tell the stories of the past. Chances are they would love to. If they do not, respect that position also, for all you really need is to glance down at the road maps to understand their long journey.

January 15, 2013
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

Facebook and understanding life.

Recently I deactivated my personal facebook site. It was a decision out of poor self discipline on my part, as well as being tired of the mundane, the daily posts of “National Enquirer” type dramatizations of peoples lives. My expectations of others are clearly too high, and I also fall prey to the drama myself. From politics, medicine, natural health and sarcastic humor we toil away at the home page like trained rats in a a maze. We look for the cheese. We scroll and scroll till we find that one post of humor, that one meaningful post or that one like by a peer on our recent post. We cruise photographs and get in touch with old friends. The morbid curiosity of humans are amazing, (me included.) Facebook is the rubber necking on the interstate of life. I, personally was having difficultly staying in the present. I was not self disciplined enough and would scroll through the feeds distracting me from other tasks I could be accomplishing. There are benefits. I do enjoy seeing old high school friends, and interacting with my wife and kids. I can see the promotional ability for businesses; however for me, at that one slice of time it became just to much. I came back to it with a different point of view. I came back to it with a better understanding of Facebook, social networks and humans. Now, it is not that I was naive about the two-legged homo sapien,  I was looking for something more in myself as well as others.

The idealism of looking for humanity and  looking for the serenity of a woodland respite in a social network. Ludicrous, eh? We see what we want many times, spinning that perception into the positive and even the negative. Perception can be changed. Perception changes with experience. Perception can be tainted with personal bias. My perception has now changed. My perception of facebook is  a gathering of many sorts. Some are looking for expression, others looking for a personal pat on the back, while others are looking for increasing their monetary gain. Yet others are just keeping in touch.

Life changes and we have choice to change with it or remain the same. Facebook can be an enormous venue to connect, to spread an awesome message and contact many in the process. It can also be a venue for ugliness and deception. Why? It is filled with “US'” the homo sapiens, who for the most part are so self absorbed we do not see the forest for the trees. There are Eagles that pick up children playing which are fake, sarcastic humor, sexual undertones and over overtones, as well as the charities and the groups that benefit our existence and our purpose. Facebook hosts my sites, Peace and Healing and Life Trauma which are beginning to reach more and more individuals to read my own narcissistic want of expression. Facebook from a “shrink” perspective mirrored to myself my own Dart Vader side. Facebook was a venue that tapped into the part of me I did not want to see and for that I was thankful. So I am back, a little wiser, a little thankful, and willing to see it for what it is. That is partially due to my son’s insistence of teaching me the path of the internet and social networks, and to him I say “thank you.” Oh, by the way………”Please like, thumbs up.”

October 4, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.
1 Comment

Physicians, Health Care and the Presidency.

We love siting research, and posting the studies. For every double blind study that proves “x” I can find three more that disprove it. From the deleterious effects and benefits of caffeine to driving with a seat belt on. You do not need studies all the time to validate. Studies help with safety of medication and validating hot topics like global warming etc however what ever happened to life experience. We do not need a study to know that the best solution to pollution is dilution. Irrigate a wound and it is clean, helps decrease infection. We look out upon a field of twenty white sheep and we see a black sheep and we know there is one black sheep. Observation and life experience have always been valid, IF presented in an objective manner I might add. So I ask you. Why do the majority of physicians that own a business want Romney to get into the white house? Is it because they are altruistic ? Is it because they are so terribly concerned with their fellow patient that they know it will make a difference? I think not. Physicians are what I know. I have done this medicine dance for over thirty years. Physicians and health care providers in general have a terrible reputation these days. Why? it is because they are focused on their pocket and become greedy.Not a little greedy but BLATANTLY greedy. Just in my small town I researched random infractions and found four fined for medicare fraud. Then we have (EMR) fraud. Increasing the code to bill for higher amounts then the visit should be. How is that done? One way is doing unnecessary tests before the exam even during the exam. A 45.oo strep test done on every one who walks in the door with pharyngitis. If 80% of sore throats are viral why do the strep test? Money of course. I have become very disillusioned with medicine over the last thirty five years. We have lost our moral compass. So I write to educate you that this is happening more and more. Bush allowed it, Obama recently is putting a stop on hospitals rechecking medicare patients in the same month for the same illness. The watch dog is becoming more vigilant. It is blatant theft from the government.

The long and short of it, the individuals making the large incomes who did not know how to save and bought the escalades, the monthly vacations, and expanding clinics like promiscuous rabbits must stop. It is not being done for the patient, but for the bank account. Physicians know that Obama is finally on to the health care scheme. Romney will close one eye. In the debate last night it was directly and indirectly brought up. The AMA is backing Romney and it is NOT out of concern for “you.” Wake up call! Insurance companies, urgent care clinics for the most part DO NOT  have your best interest in mind when it comes to your health. Can you pay the co-pay? Do you have insurance? Will you make the payment and Oh, by the way how are you feeling?

Yes, not all physicians are corrupt. Not all health care providers are trying to scam the system. My father has caught seven errors of billing medicare all in the favor of the clinic. All charging more that was done. Some of the treatment was never done. Now there are many rationals for this. I said, rationals. Medicare does not reimburse enough. I will not see the patient because it is not financially worth my time. This goes on and on and on. Yes we all have our own selfish interests. That my dear follower is part of mankind. The issue is my grandiosity in terms of WHY individuals go into medicine. Yes it can be lucrative but at what cost to the patient, and at what moral standard do we manipulate the system. Thank God it is not all providers, but is is enough that it has tainted my view of medicine and where it is headed. The reigns are being placed by the Obama administration, (for a reason.) Physicians have gone too far as well as the insurance companies.

Next time you are being seen for an illness observe for extra testing before your seen by the provider, the first question asked of you upon entering reception, and the importance of fee for service. The election is upon us. Think of others, not just your own needs. Choose wisely.





October 3, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

Seventeen Flights and counting!

Today I saw one of my favorite patients. We all have a few. We will call her Betty. Betty is an eighty-five-year-old female who is hypertensive, diabetic and has a history of osteoarthritis and is status post six months left hip replacement. She is sprite, focused and dogmatic. Her spirit is empowering. After a thorough exam and one week after I injected her hip with a steroid she had not improved as I would of hoped. She refuses any pain medication and states,”I am a tough ole bird, I will get by.” I explained and borderline pleaded that she deserves to live a comfortable life without pain. I could offer her some pharmaceuticals that would alleviate her pain, as well as make her life comfortable. She politely informed me how her mother was tough, and the pain will get her through a day. She is practically obsessive with physical therapy (on her own) I might add. She went on to elaborate how she walks seventeen flights of stairs purposely and is determined to get to the twenty fifth flight by next year. She takes her time, slowly plods up the stairwell, holding on to the railing and grimacing in pain as she describes this task. It is not a task, it appears to be a climb for survival. She spoke of her relentless goal of making it to age 102. I will, not want she informed me make it to my mothers age when she passed away. I have no doubt she will. She is focused, driven, and most importantly she follows through with her plan.

Her energy is heart warming, her passion and goal is inspiring but more importantly it does not consume her nor does it define her. She has a firm belief in holistic healing and I am beginning to believe she sees me to converse and appease me, rather than looking for medical treatment. She is aware I like her as I am aware she enjoys my company. We have spoke about New York, where she grew up as a child. We spoke of her her own inadvertent sexual abuse as my own history of abuse was shared. Betty is a pleasure, a gift that walks into the clinic every other week for a medical massage, and to see me for…..treatment. Not medical treatment, but more of a symbiotic inspirational treatment.

It is in her simplicity, her focus, her energy as well as her pleasant demeanor that becomes attractive. As I write this case I envision her climbing the seventeen flights, one step by one, holding onto the metal railing with her wrinkled, vein engorged hands. Her nail polish of bright red appears as polka dots along the grey steel. She has a goal. The apex, the top of the stairs; however her number one goal is longevity, is another day, another moment to see the sunrise.

It is not the alarm clock in the a.m., or the ritualistic circle game of the work week that gets us by. Those rituals are the seventeen flights. In reality it is the longing to move forward without fear of leaving this world. It is about risk and moving forward knowing that if we risk we may reach our goal. Betty knows she might increase her risk of a heart attack by pushing herself; however my experience also tells me that sitting back and watching television all day may put Betty at a higher risk.

When I drive home tonight passing the same oak trees, the same gas stations, and the same curves I will realize that routine, that setting goals, and risking are about seeing the next day and looking forward to seeing Betty. I will go home and embrace my wife and know that with the right attitude, the right recipe of motivation and passion that I too can see eighty-five. We all need seventeen flights some where in our life.

September 1, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.
1 Comment

Heroin, the delusion of peace.

Working part time with inmates in county jails can be an awakening. Some are state, some are federal crimes that have been correctly convicted and yes, some are innocent and wrongly convicted. Those are the minority. Doing primary care medicine with inmates does not go over well with many providers. They have dreams of pristine offices, with the lingering odor of alcohol and peroxide, with tongue blades incased in clean glass jars. This is not the case in the department of corrections for obvious reasons. Deciphering the malingering from the legit from the drug seeker to the true patients in pain and are afraid. There are those who are afraid to voice they are afraid. Men and women, white and black, crime knows no bias of race or income level. It was last week where I was haunted still by memories of tears, screams, and psychological and physiological withdrawal. To complicate this case this late twenty something female was three days post severe life trauma. She will clearly qualify for a Post Traumatic Stress disorder (PTSD.) She was brought to me in the customary orange jump suit, handcuffed wrists, sobbing, crying and literally hysterical. She was going through physiological as well as psychological withdrawal of heroin. This was her first offense. She is married, hiding her addiction from her husband and was caught making a drug deal after the fact. She was caught for possession, and her next home was a six by eight foot jail cell, no window and a large, thick metal door with a small twelve inch by four inch slot for food to be brought to her. There is no exaggeration when others parallel these living arrangements to an animal in a zoo. The behavior of chronic inmates mimics that of  larger mammals pacing back and forth with swaying heads to and fro. Back and forth, back and forth with head down, and walking the same repetitious path. Out of sight out of mind. How many times do we contemplate what really goes on behind the scenes in a prison, or in a poverty situation?

Never the less our young lady was crying so hard, so scared I could hardly make out what she was saying. Her tears would flow heavily down her face, her mucous from her nose help matte her shoulder length brown hair against her cheeks as she struggled to wipe her face with both shackled hands. Even reaching for tissue reminded me of a Houdini trick. My heart was broke, she was not malingering and was in clear emotional pain. Vitals fairly stable, but mentally stable was far from this woman’s soul. I have treated many, too many heroin withdrawals and something seemed grossly amiss. I was  not sure if it was just the incarceration, the severe claustrophobic penning of a human soul or was something more horrifying at work here. She was begging for medication to help her detox. She was screaming for any benzodiazepine as she rattled off a few. Xanax, Librium……please anything , please between sobs and screams she would try to verbalize what she needed. I held firm as I attempted to scribble down a detox regimen for her. It was at that moment when I was writing, when I redirected my attention from here when she tried pointing to her tail bone. Through sobs and screams, she mumbled over and over, ” I am hurting , my tailbone , my tailbone. I glanced at the nurse and we explained the importance of an exam. As we tried to stand her up where we needed to unlock her handcuffs with a female guard in a supportive role she disclosed. “I was raped, I was raped”…sobbed, tears flowing, breaths short and labored. Through direct eye contact, holding her head between my hands and begging her for details she disclosed. Her dealer, who she buys heroin from anally raped her with two other men and then threatened to kill her if she disclosed who. There would be NO disclosure of names, this was for sure. Not at this moment of time. I proceeded with the exam. Black and blue marks around her lower back, and both buttocks. Anus was not torn, and the exam itself was horrifying for her, as we repeated over and over we are trying to help, I must examine you. I stopped myself from the normal human, knee jerk reaction of, “It will be okay.” I know it will not be okay, in fact it will haunt her for the rest of her life in some format.

Her thread of life as painful as her past may of been, led her on a search for peace. On a search for an altered reality. Many who end up hooked on heroin have so much inner turmoil, so much emotional pain they need to find a chemical high, a relaxing euphoria to help numb all memories of despair. A synthetic “peace.” Yes, of course many non-medical do not understand this scenario. Find God, find peer support, find other means for peace. Lately in the Midwest at least Vicodin, Norco and Oxycontin are so expensive on the streets Heroin has become the cheap high, the cheap alternative, the cheap utopia. If you do not know how to find peace, how to avoid your horrendous life trauma, how to intellectual seek out different resources and for you it feels as if your soul is tortured you turn to the easier alternative. It frustrates me when so many wonder why. “How could anyone do this?” Really it is easy for me to understand why? It is difficult for me to understand the lack or non-existence of familial love and a zero support system.

She was going through withdrawal and was three days post being raped by three men anally. Her presentation was not only withdrawal but psychological shock, being extremely violated emotionally and physically. At some point she was looking for an escape. She was looking for inner peace. An ability to run from reality. Her life has now changed forever, and her backpack of memories just become much, much heavier. I was able to get her transferred to rehabilitation and out of the county jail with the help of a caring guard. Her path is bleak without the right support, the right key ingredients, and even a move out of her area would help move her into a right direction. A complete removal of her sources would help. Yes, of course she could find some mind altering substance elsewhere, however it is helpful to remove your sources out of your life, especially when you do not have any support from family. Heroin will give you transient internal peace, however it is a ruse, a con of your current situation. When one has severe emotional pain, severe feelings of despair, and that feeling of literally o where to go , no where to turn in life it does not take much to understand how this can occur. Only the grossly uncaring, the pretentious, blinded souls will not understand how one can turn to a mind altering substance. Yes I suppose I need to cover myself for the cynical for those that see all sides. Yes, there are many that abuse and seek out heroin for the naive search of pleasure, the experience if you will, the peer pressure, the thrill of the risk. However, many seek the road of peace due to inner demons, and an inability to either know how or do not know how to find an alternative. It is a delusion of peace and a road to hell. As health care providers we can do all we can to just make a tad bit of a difference to fill a few pot holes along their road of life. One individual may not end up at a dead end but just might see some alternate routes. Giving them a GPS with alternative routes cannot hurt. They must choose, for when they choose and they see the outcome, they become empowered to drive their own route to avoid the delusion of peace to authentic serenity. It is not short, and it is not without the need or want to turn around and re-visit that hell again, for it is familiar. It is the unfamiliar that one must make attractive to the heroin addict so they just might risk a new path of peace.

August 27, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

The Fallout Effect!

Yes, it is not scientific. Yes, it is based on over thirty years of doing relationship and marital therapy. However there is a grain of truth to the following:  Approximately eighty percent of men have screwed up royally in relationships due to very poor male role modeling. They have hurt indirectly and directly about sixty percent of the women out there, and have influenced them to be paranoid and distrustful. Now, we are trying to hook up twenty percent of the non-paranoid, women with twenty percent of the decent, good hearted men. That is tough.  D.Williams

Teach our children young how to be humble, not have false pride and respect women!!! It can work drop the macho attitude. It is rather ugly.

August 25, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

For Everyman!

Cutting the lawn today on the edge of six acres of wilderness I am fortunate to see leaves falling, and smell the musty dry earth, as the blades stir up clippings from mown grass weeks ago. It is redundant for me as I also listen to my iphone to music that sent me off on a quest decades ago. I never knew what was haunting me at eighteen or even twenty eight. Life haunted me, questions haunted me and more importantly answers haunted me. Why “man” cannot find peace, cannot consistently find happiness  and why I never settle. I refuse to settle for the mundane. Oh, do not get me wrong I love the “simple.” The simpleness of a hot dog on a grill, no humans around at times and laying back on a carpet of freshly mown grass watching the race of barn swallows amongst clouds morphing into Rorschach cards. As Jackson Browne states so eloquently, it is what we should do in life. We need to wait for everyman. We all really do have our ticket in our hands. It is called birth, choice, decisions, judgement and acceptance of those choices. It is not about the monetary gain. Yet, it must happen to survive. It is not about the intensity of family bonding for we die and move on. Yes, family is important, the stories of the past are important but in grand scheme of life and life’s answers family is not the absolute answer. We all wait for answers to be given to use. Some of us are avoidant, some extrovert, others judgmental. The point here is that when you wake up tomorrow in the light of the morning what do your really see as important? What do you want to accomplish and do you think about every man? If you do not, I suppose why not? Should we not contemplate all “man” and their destiny? Are we not all one and each breath, each argon molecule that we breathe in and exhale out is connected to some past human and living creature.

I propose that thinking about all man and all living organisms is desperately important for our own importance. For our own momentum to survive and most importantly for this little blue dot. A song as simple as “For Everyman” is as contemplative as they get. Contemplation is a start but it must move past this thought into action. No more waiting for you wife or husband to kiss you or to hug you. No more waiting for that long over due raise. No more complaining you cannot afford that Audi. Instead think about all man, Think about what others are doing as you read this post. Think about those fanning themselves with an old New York Post in shambled apartment on Harlem in upper Manhattan, or the sheriff in a small midwestern town working two jobs, buying running shoes for his wife and found out she has been jogging with a state trooper she has had an affair with. The list is endless.The media helps us think about all men in many fashions. What can we do? We can understand where we are on the continuum of life and by chance you might realize it is not that bad. That we just might have extra to give back. That we might be able to buy that car behind us in line at the fast food drive through a meal. That we can leave a larger tip and we can smile, and apologize the next time we pull out in front of somebody as they give us that ancient symbol of fornication. Our need to be right. Our need to need. Our need to have more than our neighbor has to stop. Replace it with our need to give. Our need to smile. Our need to shake a hand. Our need to love another. Our need for touch. I purposely do not use “want.” When we want something we set goals and we try and purchase. We set out on a quest. When one “needs” they “get it.” When I need food I eat. When I need water I drink. We must need to help others. Think about every man, woman and child. Think about where you fit in the scheme? Where do you fit? What can you give tomorrow and the next day? Can you at least give a story of your past to your children or grndchildren? Give something before it becomes too late for you. Change the life for someone even if it is a few seconds of time. You will not regret it.

August 18, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

Shadows, age, and perception, the next step in life?

Last night I stood in front of our garage light looking out into the darkness of the woods. A Great Horned owl was making his presence know to me as the stars gave witness to status post five days of the annual meteor shower. Off in the distance maybe a half mile away was my neighbor having that twenty something party around a fire with other young men. Of course nature, fire, stars, and an open field gives way to hubris and the ancient drive of chanting around the dancing flames of fire. I was there once upon a time, dancing, and hollering and making my presence know to all of nature that surrounded me. This time, I glanced ahead and noticed my shadow. The garage light casted my shadow ahead of me onto the driveway and the blue spruce. I had to be twenty feet tall. Memories flooded my brain as I recalled my youth. The times when we dance with shadows, distort our very being and dream of days to come when we are “big.” I felt my calves aching from a previous walk with my wife, the bottoms of my feet burned, and my lower back reminded me that I was not about to dance around a fire yelling and participating in the twenty something weekend ritual.

It was the shadow, the background symphony of the owl and the exuberance of a youthful group that gave me the awareness of my current slice of time. There was no feeling sorry for myself, nor was there regret. There was just recognition of a time gone by and the present. I took a deep breath of the well deserved cool evening air. I thought of how fortunate I am that I was able to stand and enjoy that very moment. I danced a couple of steps and watched my shadow mimic my every move. Each step was in perfect synchrony. Time very well gets away from us. We become wrapped up in bills, jobs, children and we blink and realize that the snow on our roof top is as real as the owl’s haunting voice echoing throughout the woods.

We must know where we are in life in comparison to where we were. It is important, very important to know how far we have came. Like an old oak that stands firm. Some limbs break, some sprout anew, and the oak has weathered many storms but yet it stands tall providing beauty, and shade for all who recognize this gift. Each one of us are a gift. A gift to others as well as to the earth. It is our perception of how we see ourselves that determine what we can give back. To feel sad about change and age is to give up and wallow at the base of an oak and wish that we could dance around the flames of a fire. In reality we can still dance around the flames, however it may be more of a waltz, a stroll if you will with your own shadow of time.

Life is fair. The unfairness is from our skewed perception and our disdain for our own choice and decisions. We all have choice. Choice to enjoy the moment and make the most of a given time within our parameters or sulk and not be aware of our surroundings. My shadow proved reflective, the owl told me to contemplate my position and the exuberance of youth was encouragement that in the future I must again dance around my own fire.

Wisdom, I believe is partially the ability to reflect on our past choices and sift out what we perceived as errors of choice, which in reality gave way to teachings. Wisdom is not allowing our perceptions to perceive we fell short of the mark, but to perceive we went to school on our shortcomings. Wisdom is to recognize our surroundings, as well as our self at a given time and understand what we can give back.

Walk with your shadow, listen to your environment, and what voices of the past speak to you. How is your own perception of life different now then when you were twenty something. Can you dance around the fire of time and know that you to have much to give back? Walk your life in peace, you deserve the path you create from your past choices.

July 28, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

Don’t Look Now

How many times have you walked through life mildly concerned about another two legged homo-sapien but you you used your good judgement, took your time, and tried to get to know the person. It takes time. Peace and Healing is a huge advocate on how important friendship is, as well as being cautious. No impulsive move, no jumping into bed with one night stands, and caution when to disclose our past. In reality, if one is secure with themselves, REALLY secure, then it is very hard to be emotionally devastated. Friendship takes time, a sharing of emotional gifts, and more time to gauge, and evaluate trust. That can go out the window in a heart beat when one is intentionally hurt due to someones else’s  pathological bucket of  fractured self esteem and pathological jealousy.

Imagine your child on the playground, maybe seven, maybe ten-years old and he comes home with a nasty “shiner” around his eye. As a parent you are immediately distraught. Not hysterical, but for the sake of this article there are many parents that immediate blame this black eye on the assailant, the poor supervision by the teachers, and the way the sun rose in the sky that day. Pursuing this further you find out your child was the unprovoked assailant, he name called the young boxer, unprovoked because he overheard a phone call, you as a parent made to another adult and used a new slanderous word he had not heard before.

Humans do this. We at times draw conclusions about others true or not, and demand action. We demand a proactive move. It does not matter what the facts are, and it does not matter what the truth is. Some pathological humans react with pure unadulterated emotion, with the fervor of dog attacking a bone. We must understand that in this life we walk, we will come across very unstable humans. No matter how smart you are, no matter how caring you are, no matter how many times you put others before you someone will read, hear or see something they will not like and draw a sweeping inaccurate conclusion about their perception. Peace and healing speaks of “perception” very often. The importance of what we see and what is reality. What we see is dependent not on what we see but what we see in unison with our past and present. It takes much introspection to separate. To step out of our body and see someone for who they really are, not for someone that is berated by one or two individuals because of their own perception, of their own psychopathological baggage. Everyone has a life, family, bills, friends, a soul and a heart. When we impulsively react without thinking, without looking at the whole picture we mutilate others lives. Yes, mutilate. There is not much difference then a homicide and an emotional raping of the soul. There is no prosthesis for your soul.

When you son comes home with a black eye. When you have the ability to fire an employe, when your daughter reacts because she feels hurt by another friend, do NOT subjectively rescue. The best parenting I have ever done was to address a problem my children had by having them own and look at their issue into the problem NO MATTER WHAT. My daughter just last week wrote one of the most heart warming texts I have ever received. This was an unprovoked text. “Dad, I just wanted to say that I am so lucky to have a dad that is the most caring,giving,smartest person that I have to guide me in life, thinking of you.” What is important to note here is that within the last month she ran into some issues where she tried to externalize some blame. I was not going to have any of it. I was stern, matter of fact and of course loving.Love your children, care for your children but do NOT back them one hundred percent when they have their own pathology, and their own mis-perceptions of others.

In life we will be blind sided by people we thought were our friends, our colleagues, our business partners as well as our family members. No matter how astute you are it will happen. It is that proverbial rug that is pulled from your feet, slamming the back of your trusted head onto the concrete floor. It will be difficult, but do not allow it to taint your future perception of others. No reason to become paranoid or hyper vigilant. No matter how perceptive we are, we will always be caught by the “don’t look now” scenario. I recently experienced this phenomenon, and it is so reminiscent of my personal experience of sex abuse that it runs chills down my spine. It has the exact same underpinnings of a perpetrator. Taking advantage of, being victimized with minimal if any data. We must brush ourselves off, look behind us and try to figure out where the “sucker” punch came from and keep walking our path of life. It will happen again, only the next time I have some callous built up from the previous incident.

July 14, 2012
by Dan Williams, Psy.D.,P.A.-C.

A Hideaway of corn

Sweltering heat immersed the country near a small Midwestern hamlet , where numerous cornfields were sewn, as if green carpet was rolled out upon the earth. The small seven-year old boy with his Red Ball Jets, Levi jeans and short sleeve shirt ran into the cornfield and immediately disappeared from sight. The temperature rose by a good five degrees and the humidity was sweltering, as beads of sweat formed upon his brow and ran down his face, as if his body was weeping. Corn leaves in early August can be sharp as a razor, and the bottom of the leaf can attach to your skin like natures velcro. He ran until he could look back and see nothing but green corn stalks, yellowish brown tassels, and sporadic cobwebs. The dirt was soft and dry. It imprinted his shoes perfectly as he plopped to the dirt floor beneath him. A new world was upon him. He was familiar with these green walls for they have been his respite where he could hide from the stress of life.

His friends came out to greet him. The lady bug, a grasshopper dancing around a corn stalk slowly gaining height and a black and yellow argiope, or banana spider as his dad would fondly call it. All of these bugs became his audience for tears, discussion, and company as he shared the latest round of abuse. The lady bug perched at the very tip of a leaf, looked at him eye to eye and then turned one hundred and eighty degrees back to the corn stalk. “Wait he cried do not leave yet” he screamed in fear. “You have not heard the latest.” He began to converse speaking of Pete and how his cologne would make him sick to his stomach and how the touch of his hand under his pants made him want to run for the cornfield haven.

As he sobbed he fell backwards. His occipital area of his skull imprinting the ground. Dirt filled up to his ears and he did not flinch as clouds passed between the tassels of corn. The colors were more viivd today. Dark green corn jutting up against a blue sky as white cotton balls of clouds raced high above him. Oh how he wished he could fly, fly amongst the clouds to escape, escape  anywhere but this earth where he lay.

Life trauma victims of sex abuse, physical abuse, rape and domestic violence have a need to fly. Fly and escape their environment. This child was I, a small boy in the midst of a small town in rural Illinois on a very large planet. He felt alone, isolated and different. He had no idea that many children at that very moment were being sexually abused. A hideaway of corn was his escape. It was his haven. The insects and spiders were his peers. Together they accompanied him with his disclosure of pain and watched as his tears became the tiniest of nourishment for the corns roots.

Be aware of hideaways. We all have them. Even as adults we use them to regroup. They are a necessity for many. Life trauma victims have many havens. Some or in the deepest recesses of their mind. When one shares or discloses their experience of trauma, take it as a gift. It is a gift of sharing and the ultimate gift of disclosure. The transition from lady bugs and grasshoppers to adults and therapists is a slow transition. That transition is imperative for healthy relationships to continue.

I still lay on my back and watch the clouds race by. It may not be a cornfield, however my respect for the smallest of insect, the bluest of sky will always take me back to my original respite. I have dear friends that listen and know my story. Most importantly, I know my story. I have shared it with many in hopes others will disclose their hideaway and disclose their pain. No reason to fly when you have a supportive ear to hear and listen to your race into the cornfield of life.

Dr.Dan Williams is the author of the best selling book, “Above His Shoulders” A true account of sex abuse. Find it at