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The school bell rang at 3:10. She was in the fourth grade, and
would run home from school a fast as she could. The first thing
she would do upon arriving at home, before even dropping her book
bag off at the front door, taking her coat or shoes off, is run
to her bedroom, and smell the hinges of her bedroom door. If the
hinges of her door smelled like WD-40, she knew she was in for a
nightlong evening of hell. That evening she hardly touched her supper.
She was anxious. She stayed in her room, spend an extended period
of time in the bathroom, and she was reluctant to go to bed. Numerous
arguments occurred with her mother, and she would want to stay up.
She would even try to crawl in bed with her mom, but to no avail.
What she knew, and her mother didn’t is that her stepfather
sprayed the hinges of her bedroom door with WD-40 to prevent squeaking
when he entered her room in the middle of the night in order to
take advantage of her. She would frequently freeze in a motionless
position, and the abuse would continue.
The above scenario was one of my cases, and a good example of to
what extent perpetrators will go to prevent being caught. It also
displays the intense anxiety, stress and trauma that young victims
of sex abuse experience.
It was not so long ago, in the late 1940’s and early 1950’s,
that Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin and Gebhard perceived and wrote that
sex abuse was not disturbing to children. They could not understand
the intense emotion surrounding the issue of sex above as portrayed
in the media, despite the fact that 80% of the victims in the city
where study population was drawn reported being upset or frightening
by the experience. They felt there was no logical reason that children
should be disturbed by sexual abuse.
Fact: Kinsey, et al., 1953, states,
“Some of the more experienced students of juvenile problems
have come to believe that the emotions reactions of the parents,
police officers, and other adults who discover that the child has
had such contact may disturb the child more seriously than the sexual
contact themselves.”
Fortunately enough, this belief has decreased greatly over the
years. However, there are still lingering beliefs, even amongst
psych professionals, that it is the child, not the offender, who
is responsible for the sexual aggression being perpetrated. Again,
this view, absurd as it may be, still exists in 2003!
In the 1950’s certain analytic therapists felt that children
not only unconsciously desired sexual assault, but were responsible
for the occurrence. These previous theories have impacted our professional
community for years, and have changed drastically since the 1950’s,
60’s and even early 70’s.
The offender uses grooming and threats against their victims. The
grooming that occurs can last for weeks and months before there
is any attempt at sexual abuse. Usual sexual perpetrators are extremely
good with children. They are engaging. They are fun. They give gifts,
and are willing to spend time with the child. They know they have
to develop a trusting relationship over time before they can make
their move. Threats are also common. Offenders will tell their victims
that they will kill their parents, lock them in a basement, lock
them in a closet, or hurt them if they ever disclose. They may tell
a child that no adult will ever believe them, that it would be their
word against the offenders, etc. The list of what is presented to
a child by an offender is endless. Subsequently, the VAST majority
of children who are sexually abused do not disclose their sexual
abuse. The silent secret can go on for many years, any in many cases
may never be disclosed, i.e. victims now coming forward in their
20’s, 30’s, 40’s and even in their 5th decade
of life, disclosing at this late date that they had been sexually
abused by a Catholic priest years before.
There have been extensive writings regarding the mother of the
victim of abuse. Should she be held responsible? Is she responsible?
Is it due to the mother’s noninvolvement/involvement? Is she
a silent partner in the abuse? The debate continues. Again, this
is not a black and white issue. It is this author’s opinion
that every case of abuse should be viewed as separate and apart
from any other. There are many times that psychologists in the professional
community perform research studies, so it is easier for us to group
individuals together. In this author’s opinion, it is a continuum.
There are situations where mothers may definitely be aware of abuse,
but are afraid of losing their spouse/marriage and their financial
security. A number of authors on the subject from the 1980’s
and 1990’s felt that mothers are aware on some level, consciously
or unconsciously, and are silent partners. A fantastic movie that
portrays some of this, as well as the post-traumatic effects of
sexual abuse later in adulthood is the movie “Nuts”
starring Barbara Streisand and Richard Dreyfuss. This is a very
well written and acted movie, based on the true story of Claudia
Draper. I highly encourage adults watch this movie if I believe
an individual has not processed through some of their own abuse
issues. Please use caution when viewing this movie, since it is
quite disturbing and quite accurate.
Many authors believe that family dysfunction, marital discord,
absence of sexual intimacy with one’s partner over the years,
leads to sexual abuse and incest. This has clearly been proven to
be a fallacy. As early as 1981, this theory was still being tossed
around. Offenders will try to rationalize that they are molesting
a 9-year old neighbor because of the sexual frustration in their
marriage. Many studies point out that if this is the case, why then
do they have other fetishes, as well as offending and abusing other
sexes. For example, of incest offenders, 44% molest unrelated female
children, approximately 11% molested unrelated male children, 18%
were involved in a rape, 18% had engaged in exhibitionism, 9% in
voyerism, 5% in frottage, 4% in sadism, and 21% in other paraphilias.
Let’s define a paraphilia. A paraphilia is a fetish, something
that is done to elicit sexual arousal, i.e. frottage is sexual arousal
which occurs secondary to rubbing up against or touching, and the
individual may or may not be aware of the touching episode, especially
if occurring in a subway or crowded area.
It is important to note that the spouses knowledge or lack of knowledge
of the offender’s behavior, and her inability or ability to
control the behavior, does not and should not diminish the offender’s
responsibility for his behavior in the abuse. Offenders are notorious
for distorted perceptions. The following are some examples that
this author has run into over my 12-15 years of treating sex offenders.
These statements are clearly believed by the offender:
- “Yes, I understand that she was 7, but she looked much
older. She looked at least 9 or 10.”
- “When I woke up, her hand was in my pants.”
- “She was sitting on my lap, and I got an erection. What
am I supposed to do?”
Offenders will frequently move into apartments or homes next to
daycare centers. This is extremely common. They will state, “I
have always liked the neighborhood, I don’t know what you
are talking about,” and they will deny any plan of action.
Surprisingly, offenders often admit that their favorite reading
materials include catalogues such as Sears and Roebuck, and JC Penney’s,
where they actual become aroused by looking at pictures of clothed
children in the children’s apparel section of the catalogue.
To some degree, we are all dealt at least a few bad cards in our
lives. What is important is how we play that bad hand, and not bluff
our way through life.
The treatment of sex abuse victims can be very successful, as opposed
to the treatment of sex offenders, where the rate of successful
treatment is extremely low, as documented by high recidivism rates.
In upcoming articles, we will discuss some of the standard, and
more effective treatment methods for sex offenders and victims of
sexual abuse.
As with serial killers, sexual offenders, for the most part, remain
undetected after committing their worst offenses. Eventually, however,
these individuals do get sloppy in the commission of perhaps lesser
offenses such as exhibitionism, or voyerism. After thorough assessment,
these individuals are found to have a longstanding history of pedophilia.
This author had a patient who was a schoolteacher. He presented
in therapy for a generalized anxiety disorder, where he could not
talk to parents at parent-teacher conferences. He taught in a grade
school. After discussing his anxiety in talking to parents for 5-6
sessions, it was revealed that even though his anxiety was very
real, the etiology of this anxiety was some degree of awareness
of the sexual fantasies he was having about some of his students.
He ended up bringing in to this author approximately 550 photographs
that he had taken of his students while on fieldtrips. He had numerous
masturbatory fantasies using these photographs. Although he denied
to this author that he ever sexually abused a child, and there was
no evidence that he had, it was speculated that he probably did.
However we never did discover evidence of perpetration. He was eventually
expelled from teaching. This is a good example of where the initial
complaint of anxiety was not the crux of the problem. Offenders
frequently minimize the extent of their inappropriate behavior.
They may admit to a part of the problem, but never come clean with
all of it. It may take 5-6 months of thorough assessment to uncover
all inappropriate behaviors. Offenders are often very astute regarding
the legal penalties, and understand there are more severe consequences
for penetration than for fondling, and may never admit to penetration.
It is also very, very common for offenders to see God and salvation
as a cure-all. Please exercise caution with individuals who profess
to this type of transformation. Many, many times this is just a
smokescreen, and they have not turned themselves over to God at
all and only pretend to believe that God is an avenue to behavior
change. Instead, this is used as a convenient way to avoid these
issues. Or, they may believe they don’t need treatment because
they have found God, and have converted to Christianity, or have
found some other source of salvation. In one study, for individuals
who claimed they had “found God,” the recidivism rate
was the same as those who made no such claim. Subsequently, therapist
should use caution with this presentation. Many Christian therapists
have fallen prey to this, and in discussions with them, they have
since changed their treatment modalities, and come to understand
that when dealing with sexual perpetrators, they are dealing with
a different breed of individual entirely.
References
Treating Child Sex Offenders and Victims - A Practical Guide, Salter,
Anna C.
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