What is Worry?

Worry and anxiety are very similar. Worry is an emotional rumination that primarily is negative with clear negative consequences physically and emotionally. Anxiety is usually characterized by the emotional and physical symptoms induced by the worry. Worry can be beneficial if harnessed and caught before it spins into a cycle of no return. When worry is helpful is when we are concerned about a flooding basement and take the proper precautions to build around the foundation, seal the walls, buy a back up sump pump and then our worry should dissipate. When the worry continues after the pro-active behavior is accomplished we now move into the realm of pathology. So one of the main differences between healthy worry and pathological worry is time, and whether or not one implements the appropriate pro-active behavior. I say appropriate for if your basement has never flooded and one chooses to move to another location jeopardizing their financial future this is clearly an inappropriate move secondary to worry. Worry, can lead to physiologic symptoms of very real disorders such as asthma, irritable bowel syndrome, and even ulcers.

Where does worry stem from?

There are a variety of reasons individuals worry too much and others do not. Clearly one is learned behavior. We learn from our parents and watch and watch and observe, and observe some more. They are our parents, they have to be right for God’s sake, right? Wrong ! Parents make mistakes and we must recognize this as adults and change our ways. Be proud of the positive traits you learned and dump the negative. Two, we are very insecure about our ability, our future, our relationship and having control over our future so we worry about the items in our life we usually CANNOT control. Interesting phenomenon, we frequently worry about what we cannot control which actually feeds the worry monster even more, giving it strength to control our lives, disrupt our sleep, spill onto our children, and cause damage to relationships and jobs. We often hear the adage, we love our children so we are supposed to worry about them. Implying if I do not worry with the same intent, am I uncaring more than the next? I realize I am not, and I do worry, however I refuse to allow it to become all encompassing. If I did my job as a parent. If I feel good about helping my children learn good decision making, learn good judgement by allowing them to fail, then why in the world should I worry about the possible car accident on the way home or allow the media to induce a fabricated on campus date rape with my daughter. That is how our minds are geared. We live in a media blitz of fear, compounded by common parental upbringing of induced worry. Knowing we cannot change certain situations appears to induce worry more. Why? The feeling of being helpless is not a fun feeling for anyone. Now combine the feeling of helplessness with the unknown and we have a recipe just right for excessive worry, complaining, physical symptoms and at times an inability to know how to find comfort. We are caught in a feeling of ultimate despair and we then do little to prepare. Some however do prepare and can settle their worry into realistic plan of actions in case matters get worse. A summer approaching thunderstorm should allow one to learn to fill the tub and buckets of water in case of a power outage. Batteries in the flashlights that actually work. We can do the same for our children by preparing them for small automobile emergencies. Preparing for the worse scenario and hoping for the best outcome. No one plans on getting hurt. No one plans on divorcing when they say “I do.” No one plans on the car accident. So, why not prepare the best we know how and decrease the worry? If the worry continues after the preparing then I will guarantee you the act of “worry” is doing something else for you from a psychological perspective. There is some other secondary gain.

What is Prepare versus Despair?

A no brainer, right ? Prepare versus despair. We can avoid despair in our lives if we prepare. We all have learned to prepare for hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, winter blizzards and other natural disasters. We prepare for minor household injuries like the small cuts and bruises, headaches and nausea. Do we prepare for emotional crisis? Do we prepare for the marital breakdown in communication? Do we prepare for our child becoming involved in drug experimentation and possible addiction? Do we prepare for the worry that comes along with trust, love, and relationships? No, I would say somewhere in the high ninetieth percentile of people do not prepare for such emergencies. Some would say nothing could be done anyway, and some would say why not just wait and we will deal with it then. Others worry so much about the situations that they occur at a higher rate. It would be like the long distance runner worrying about the terrain and the pothole and spraining his ankle. His worry becomes all encompassing and low and behold instead of trucking along naturally he or she sprains their ankle. The pitcher who is so focused on the strike, so determined to get it over the plate will often throw way outside or inside by not letting his arm and mind flow with his natural ability.

Relationships need tune ups, not necessarily by a therapist by both of you in the relationship. Communicate, discuss the worry and then problem solve and be done. see if the goal can be achieved. Not bring up the worry daily or weekly. Worry leads to despair. Preparation of a worry can lead to not only resolution of worry but actually save a life, a home or even a relationship. Happiness is not found within the pages of  a self help book, or a web site blog, but it IS found within your pro-active attempts to prepare. Prepare by communicating, share your fears, your worry, laugh at those that are irrational, prepare for the one’s that have mutual concern, and grab each others hand and look back and see how you  kicked “worry” in the ass. No despair, prepare.

As Bobby McFerrin states, “Don’t worry, be happy.” No, I am not being humorous, I am serious. It can be done. It will be done. Can you try it? Can you attempt it? Recognize your excessive worry. Is it excessive? If so can you realistic prepare for a bad outcome so you can minimize the damage? If so, then do it. Some situations cannot be prepared for, granted. If not then recognize you are worrying only to cause inner-personal damage and external damage to those around you. In the meantime I will try not to worry about mankind, and the little blue dot and just do what I can do, one day at a time. In peace and healing.