What are Parenting Skills?

As stated, skills in parenting come from our own experience of how we perceive our parents , our friends’ parents, as well as what we observe through the silver screen. Combine that with an inherent insecurity or narcissistic traits and you then have individuals struggling with parenting. Even if we thought our parents were wonderful, the best parents in the world, they still faltered. How? Times changed, that’s how. They did not intentionally falter or purposely parent badly, but we all make mistakes. Combine that with time and the changing of our culture, hence parenting venues change. We must recognize that parenting MUST change with the times, at least to some degree. “That is the way my father did it, and by God, that is how I am raising my son.” That statement is filled with so much fear. Fear of not knowing how, fear of being afraid to ask for help, and narcissism which stems from fear of not acknowledging insecurity. ”My father and mother did their best, but I want to do better. Can you recommend any good books?” is a much healthier statement. So what are some basic parenting skills?

What are Parenting Skills from birth to seven years?

A new child enters your life. I cannot explain to you the importance of recognizing your apprehension, anxiety and fear. One of the most important, if not thee most important aspect of parenting is recognizing your fear, upcoming struggles, and your own appropriate inadequacy. You are supposed to be inadequate , you have never done this before. Of course maternal and paternal instincts take over. Nurturing, love, and compassion are a “no brainer.” It is the concern about reachng developmental milestones. How much play should be done? Vaccinations or no vaccinations? Pre-school benefit vs. the child staying home? How do I recognize a painful cry versus a cry for hunger? What is colic? There are a multitude of questions that arise and will continue to arise. Remember, it is very difficult to “screw up” raising a child. Especially in the early years. The importance of touch, cuddling, eye tracking, talking, feeding and changing those wonderful diapers on a consistent basis, are all imperative! An infants senses are all intact, although their eye sight is not the greatest at the beginning, their other senses are superb. Smell, the “moro reflex” (finding the nipple for satiating hunger,) hearing and touch are all there. Use this knowledge to your advantage, strokes of their head, a slow rock, whispers at bedtime, are all advantages in calming and creating a bond. Mothers and Fathers alike must take an active role. Look for developmental milestones, sitting up, standing, and the infamous first step.

Toilet training can be a challenge. Remember everyone accomplishes it. Patience, do not push the issue, do not force, no punitive insults, and corporal punishment has been clearly proven to delay development, especially bowel movements. A simple slap to the hand has detrimental effects. Rewards, praise, singing songs, are all avenues of great positive reinforcement for that bowel movement. As funny as it may sound it is a major accomplishment and they feel very pleased that they accomplished this. Children want to please. ADVICE: Start early to reinforce that they should be proud of themselves, not as much as YOU are so proud of them. This is setting the stage for a later age with grades and sporting accomplishments. They are NOT getting the grade for you, and they should NOT be hitting the home run, or tackle that dance lesson in perfect form for you. It is for THEM, not you.

Rewarding children with praise is an awesome motivator and discipline should be kept to the withdrawal of a pleasurable item they enjoy or time outs. With consistency, I said consistency ! Yes this is the area that we fail tremendously in. Humans are inconsistent with taking medication, following a weight loss program, stopping smoking and “discipline.” At the walking stage one must be concerned with the inherent curiosity of needing to know what is behind every door, under every box, and every tiny hole. Even that electrical outlet is an invite of curiosity. Reduce the chance of harm by taking the proper precautions as well as gating the steps in your home. I have treated too many toddlers who fell down a flight of stairs which were not gated.

What is normal development for your baby?

Please be advised this is on a continuum, do not fret if at exactly three months they are not tracking an object with their eyes. So many first time parents want their child to not only reach the milestone early but if it is delayed by a week or two panic sets in. It is not uncommon to be stressed and worried, but please try and hang in there. Realize that all normal children who are healthy reach milestones with a deviation of time in either direction. This becomes a little complex when the comparison of friends children are voiced.

Some basic guidelines for you:

The first three months:

Child should track an object with their eyes.

Lift their head when on their stomach

Hold objects in their hands for a few minutes.

Between three and six months:

Turn over on their own ( do not leave unattended on a couch, or bed)

Will be putting any and everything in their mouth

Play with their feet (a lot)

Between six and nine moths:

Will begin to stack blocks

Sit without support

Imitate words, you may that first word.

Between nine months and a year

Fine motor grip ( picking up smaller toys with fingers)

Throw or drop balls and objects ( careful, “ducking” skills imperative here)

Stand with support.

When to start solid foods?

Starting solid foods should begin about six months. I have advised earlier, however this is usually due to not tolerating formulas (plural) which means the parents have tried a variety. The first solid food is a mixture of rice or oats with the formula. the consistency is not too runny and always talk to your child during feeding times. Do not get frustrated when you see the reluctance at the beginning, as well as the flinging of food which seems like a college cafeteria party. Avoid foods high in sugar, peanut butter, and foods high in salt. By nine and ten months a wide variety of foods can be introduced.

What is the schedule for childhood immunizations?

Please be advised this is the updated Feb. 2011 schedule. It is now recommended by the CDC for the first Hepatitis B vaccine to be given at birth.   http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/recs/schedules/downloads/child/2011/11_0-6yrs-schedule-pr.pdf

The controversy over giving vaccines or not will not be addressed in this article. If one has religious beliefs to NOT vaccinate their child the health care provider needs to honor that. At Peace and Healing we are a major advocate of childhood vaccinations.