What is Life Trauma?
Life trauma is any circumstance that one may encounter that impacts our emotions, senses, and or physical well being. We may or may not know it is approaching. We know that it causes stress, sometimes a dissociative state where one travels elsewhere in their brain. It may cause behaviors of rumination, bouts of intense depression, appetite disturbance and even chronic conditions of isolation and societal adjustments. Relationships are frequently effected. Distrust is a common occurrence and hyper vigilance in one’s environment. One may unconsciously and consciously strive for the attention of others and frequently are unaware of this phenomenoen. There is really no difference between a reaction to a life trauma and (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, except when labeled with a life trauma the clinician will not get a third party reimbursement. I frequently have had patients that would prefer to avoid the label and just pay out of pocket. All of us experience life trauma in some form and at some time in our life. How we cope is dependent on the severity of the trauma, our coping mechanisms at the time, our support network, intelligence level, and creative ways to deal with degrees of stress. In reality “life trauma” is the stimuli where PTSD is the diagnostic label and effects that occur after the experience. It would be similar to a radiologist looking at a chest x-ray and writing “pneumonia as his interpretation. This would be wrong as pneumonia is the clinical diagnosis. The x-ray interpretation would be “infiltrate at a certain area of the lung field.”
Life trauma experience has the ability to either create a very positive individual or a very negative individual. This examiner does not see many individuals that fall into the grey category. It must be stressed that this depends on the severity and duration of the trauma as well as age of onset. Then we have acute versus chronic life trauma. The acute, sudden onset of trauma can be devastating. The sudden unexpected cancer diagnosis, the sudden death, and the loss of a home and/or family through a tornado or weather related event. This is different and has much different psychological effects then the chronic life trauma of sexual abuse, repeated emotional abuse to a spouse, or being repeatedly berated by a boss in the work place. The later is rarely viewed as a life trauma, however, imagine recurrent, condescending, non-empowering behavior in a location where you spend more time there then at home and your income is involved.
What is the difference between a life trauma victim and a child or adult of privilege who experiences life trauma?
We must first operationaly define “child or adult of privilege.”This author is referring to the child that had minimal expectations placed on him or her. They were born into a household with a rather large sum of money or their behavior was excused and minimal limits were placed as well as expectatons. This does not mean they are benign to life trauma. There is no cosmic force watching over these individuals protecting them from death, abuse, or crisis. They do, by this authors experience react much differently then others. All one has to do is look at Hollywood and the majority of thespians and how they react to their own demise. It may be a DWI, a brush with drugs, spousal abuse or suicide attempts. Frequently externalization of blame, and the thought that they can manipulate the system and buy their way out of a life trauma. Kobe Bryant, Lindsey Lohan, Nick Nolte, and many others have fallen prey to their perceptions of grandiosity and lack the introspection of an amobea to move through their pain. Taking responsibility for our actions is difficult indeed, especially after you have spent a life in an emotionally abusive relationship and subsequently perceive yourself as way less than adequate. Give me someone who has had to struggle in life and succeed ( succeed is defined here by being happy) and I will show you someone with character. Show me someone who has not had to work, who has had their way paid for them all their life, bailed out of speeding tickets, and law infractions and I will show you a self entitled, spoiled, shallow individual who has no clue about beauty, inspiration, self growth, the brevity of life and compassion. There are exceptions, there are always exceptions, however this is the majority. Parental influence cannot be underestimated in teaching our children how to deal with crisis and trauma. Our children learn y watching us. Our your chidren deathly afraid of bees or wasps? If so, look at you or your spouse. For the most part this IS a learned behavior.
How do we move through Life Trauma?
Moving through life trauma is recognizing that “bad things” will happen in our lives. It IS inevitable. We cannot fully prepare for the ensuing death of a loved one, or the unexpected car accident, or the personality change of a spouse that we thought we knew. We can understand what we own, and what we do not own as well as how we want to cope. We DO HAVE control over our emotions. It is our choice if we choose to be histrionic, or calm. We do have the “fight or flight” mechanism which we do not have control over. Our adrenal glands kick in when we perceive a threat. Those chemicals are there for a protective mechanism and some of us have a tendency to tie those feelings with dramatics. Moving through life trauma is a process. There is not ONE correct way to move through it, however there are healthier ways than others. All of us must reassess what we think is right versus learning new ways which might be healthier. When one is reluctant to try new venues they WILL be mired into the ruts of the past. We know for sure that if you keep doing the same thing in life you will get the same result. One must try something to different to change unhealthy patterns.
1. Recognize you have been through an enormous event, do not minimize it nor make it out to be more than what it is.
2. Allow yourself to feel why you are feeling.
3. Express your feelings, and NOT just to a few friends thinking it will all be over. The trauma effected you in ways that you will probably not ever be aware of for possibly years to come. ADMIT THAT!
4. It is okay to ask for help. In life trauma it is okay to be co-dependent for awhile.
5. Learn the cycle that led you there. If it was a death in the family there is not much you can control. If it was abuse, an emotional abuse, a bad relationship or recurrent venues where you are a victim what are you doing that is placing you in that role?
6. Realize that bad situations occur to ALL and as you learn to proceed through this trauma you WILL become stronger. You will not necesarrily be calloused but you will be wiser ONLY IF you introspect and CHANGE old habits.
7. Realize negative thoughts lead to negative emotions which lead to negative behavior.
8. Acknowledge that as you long as you breathe and live more traumas may arise. You will be better equipped in the future.
9. Do not tout your trauma as if pulling a gun on someone. Self pity is disgusting, and will not increase your strength only increase your weakness.
10. See the positive. Even in a traumatic event there is a positive. This is not self help guru warm fuzzes but the truth. All situations have a positive side. The yin and yang of life exists. In nature, and in human life. The death and loss can create positive memories of the future, the sex abuse can lead to you helping others who have suffered a similar plight, the loss of a child can can empower you to go on a cancer drive or volunteer on a cancer unit and so on. It is literally up to you and your ability to want to reframe the situation.
The question remains for many, can they do it? Do they have the strength and the motivation to move past the trauma and reflect on it, only to empower them and develop character as well as giving strength to others? As you read this are you tearing it down with the negative thought? Are you internalizing the positive? That will tell you immediately if you are beginning to walk a more positive path. Recognize the brambles on the path. We all have to walk through a few and experience the cuts and bruises before we see the wildflowers.